The aftermath of our own personal tragedy has become apparent in recent months. Whilst on the outside life is better and we are getting back to normal, this isn’t always the case. Circumstances made me hate my job, so I start a new one in December. This will give me the chance to do what I actually feel will make my life complete.

When I start this new job I will also start to train to be a dog behaviourist. Not an easy thing to do, there are so many different courses & bodies to conform to. I have done as much research as I can and believe the course I have chosen is the right one.

Anyway, back to the main subject of this blog, Reggie. He is still my goofy idiot, and in recent months has somehow been sleeping on our bed despite my partner being adamant this would never happen when we had a dog. To be fair, he also said he would never be allowed upstairs or on the sofa, so we could see where this was going!

Whilst mine and my partners mental health continues to be ‘not great’ he continues to cope. Admittedly, some days he doesn’t get walked. That is life when you are suffering from depression and the mere idea of leaving the house is enough to make you want to scream. But everytime we have the capability too, we put him first. We have put in the effort of making sure he has his private field walks, and his woodland walks.

In fact, we start at a new field this week. The one we previously used was great but the addition of another one was a bit of an issue for us, what with having a dog reactive dog! Anyway, we have found a new one and the training will continue.

Reggies behaviour is getting better. We are actually considering getting another dog! I think the turning point was last weekend, he was a mere 7ft from a lovely little staffie at the field our behaviourist uses. It’s a huge step for Reggie, the dog that once behaved like he wanted to kill every dog in a 10 mile radius.

Anyway, to wind this up, love your dogs. They might annoy the shit out of you on a daily basis but they will also forgive you for the fact your mental health sucks & sometimes you can’t be the perfect owner. Plus, what said person doesn’t want a big slobbery tongue greeting you at the door!

We finally managed a holiday with Reggie at the end of February. We went to North Norfolk after some recommendations from friends and we had a beautiful week. For the first time in over 2 years Reggie got to behave like a dog. We ran around the beach, he played in the sea and he enjoyed life for once.

One of the most amazing parts was the reaction of other people. Where I live (south east england) there are a lots of MDIF (my dog is friendly) people. They presume their over exuberant dog is perfectly friendly and therefore there should be no problem with them approaching, on or off lead. It isn’t the case. Reggie is friendly to most dogs but some will set him off.

One thing we noted in Norfolk was the respect people had for his lead. They kept their dogs away. The one off lead dog (a beautiful golden Labrador) that did approach quickly backed off when I spoke to the owner. We also had a group of 3 on lead dogs approach us on the beach. It was such a relief that when my partner went and explained our particular situation he just backed off and gave us the space we needed. No aggression, no judgement.

Anyway, our holiday is not the purpose of this blog. 5 weeks ago my beautiful, wild nephew died. He was just about to turn 4 and tragically died when he was struck by a van. Now what has this to do with a blog about dogs, you might ask? It has everything.

Reggie and Callan were like kindred spirits. There was a Christmas, just after we had gotten Reggie, and Callan was running around with food in his hand, something we had told the kids NOT to do. Reggie went to grab the food out of his hand, only to be greeted with Callan’s shout of “Reggie, NO!” (FYI Callan was about 18 months old). I have never seen that dog obey a command better. Not from me, not from my partner. No one.

Something that surprises people are that Rottweilers were originally cattle herding dogs in Roman times. They would nip the back of cattle’s feet to make them go in a particular direction. Don’t get me wrong, Reggie never nipped them, but he would herd them in the house, and Callan would always be his biggest concern. He was the youngest & god forbid he would get up. Reggie would follow him everywhere. They are (were) both ostentatious, loud and unruly..

When I say Callan is my nephew, it is a bit more complicated than that. My partner (fiance) is the brother of my best friend. My relationship with her children is two fold, I love those kids two fold. I see them weekly and cannot explain the grief that has struck our family with what has happened. I’ve lost before but this is nothing in comparison.

Anyway, the reason for this particular post is: trust in your dogs. We keep people away from our house because Reggie is selective with people. Too aloof, won’t like you. Too intense, won’t like you. We have an actual A4 page of rules when people come round to make sure our dog is happy and content.

But, in the week following Callan’s death we had EVERYONE at our house. We only live a few minutes from my friend/sister in law, so as she didn’t want anyone in her house – there we were! We had police, friends, family. Reggie had no routine whatsoever (something he thrives on) and me & my partner were also going through our own grief process.

He was amazing. He took it all in his stride & was amazingly calm throughout the whole thing. He accepted the random people coming into his home & the fact people where suddenly eating in rooms no one else does. He accepted the weirdness because he new something wasn’t right.

All I’m trying to say, I think, is your dogs loves you. They may be difficult, you may not be able to take them on ‘normal’ walks, they might bark at every dog they see, but they know you. They love you. They will support you through your most traumatic times and their ability to love & adapt will always surprise you.

Give your family (children & dogs) an extra hug tonight.

Mostly, dogs are fantastic for my mental health. A shared video of a gorgeous pup generally enjoying life can quite easily bring my mood up. Reggie, sat waiting behind the stair gate, tail pounding on the floor and almost too excited to wait for it to be opened is quite possibly the only thing to improve a bad day at work for me.

But. There is always a but.

Reactive dogs come with a whole host of their own problems, and effect your mental health in a way as well. Reggie can make life lonely sometimes. You see the dog walkers on a Saturday & Sunday morning all gathered together, their dogs running around and playing and you can’t be there. They shoot side glances at you as you try to pull 52kg of dog away from the frenzy whilst he barks and spins like he’s possessed.

You can’t take the dog to the pub and have a drink of an afternoon. You can’t go for lovely strolls with your friends dogs. You get up and walk at 5am in the summer just to avoid the other dog owners. You’re holidays are all with the dog and based around where the quietest part of the country will be at that time of the year. I would note now – don’t take a reactive dog to Cornwall. Ever.

This all sounds rather miserable, doesn’t it? But there is something else that a reactive dog brings into your life. In the beginning everything with Reggie was difficult and life with a reactive dog seemed impossible. But in time you realise that this living creature has found you, and eventually he decided to trust us, love us and bond with us. It’s a beautiful thing to see, a dog that was once prone to growling at you for the slightest wrong step now comes to you for the comfort he needs.

My own mental health in the last few years has been awful. There are a lot of things that have happened in my family that I continue to feel angry, sad & conflicted about. I was diagnosed late last year with depression and anxiety though the doctors suspect it was probably ongoing for a number of years prior to that.

It was difficult but it made me take stock of the little things. Whilst Reggie may be a pain in my backside at times, we saved this loving and beautiful dog from almost certain death. I may have days where I would like to throttle him for yanking me over, or spinning me round in circles, but when a dog that trusted no one finally trusts you there is no better feeling in the world.

An Introduction…

I’m not sure anyone will ever read this, but if even one person with a reactive dog finds this blog and obtains some hope from it I guess I can say it was a good thing to start doing.

Reggie came to us in November 2016. Someone who I used to consider a friend posted online that if the vet wouldn’t put him down then she would contact the police and say she had a dangerous dog – her hope being that he would be shot on site.

I’m a bleeding heart when it comes to dogs. I had met Reggie & could tell he just needed a home suited to his personality. The night she posted that status on Facebook I messaged my Fiance and within 2 hours we had a completely unknown quantity in our home.

Of his history, we don’t know too much. All we know is that he was originally bought to be a guard dog (unsurprising in light of his breed). The guy that bought him worked long hours, in a not so great part of England, and wanted to protect his partner from potential intruders. My ‘friend’ bought him after their relationship break down. Following this Reggie went to live in a small town house, with 4 children and 2 other dogs. It was clear he couldn’t cope.

We did however have the breeders details, little help he was. He sent over his KC papers but was clearly uninterested in the issues being faced by his new owners  – whilst there are many good breeders out there, I’m not sure he is one of them. But, we discovered our Reggie is technically Ripley Prince as per his KC registration – what a royal sounding name! Shame his behaviour doesn’t quite reflect that…

I’ve had dogs prior to Reggie and the first night he was with us I went to wipe the ‘gunk’ from his eyes – like I had so many times with Bella (we’ll come on to her at a later stage) and he growled at me. That was my first warning – this was not a happy dog.

In the weeks and months that’s proceeded I learnt we had a very unhappy and confused dog in our home. He wanted to love us, but he also needed his space. He wanted affection, but he didn’t want to be touched. It was a difficult time.

The worst point came about 2 months down the line. Reggie growled at me, I reacted how I had been taught dogs should be trained. I shouted back, I smacked him on the bum to tell him he was in the wrong. It was the first time I really thought he would attack me. A 52kg dog circling you whilst growling and snapping is a scary thing. I left the house and went and cried in my car for 40 minutes before driving to work. I wondered what on earth we had taken on, and whether we could keep him.

My behaviour was wrong. It damaged our poor boy and its something I will never forgive myself for.

I made it my mission after this to find the right way to train him, the kind & compassionate way to treat him. I will never let anyone hurt him again, I promised I would never hurt him again.